Ate Beef Ramen at the coffeeshop, went to shop for groceries, and came back. Saw Lee Bee Wah. Wahhhhh, my idol. LOL. Shaked her hand, felt happy.
Nothing much to update. In need of a movie fix.
Nothing much to update. In need of a movie fix.
Headache >:(
Times like this make me dream of nice things in life. In need of a warm bowl of sliced fish ban mian soup, a nice funny movie, and a lazy afternoon nap. 8-) Just went bloghopping and read someone's blog about a breakup with her boyfriend :/
Sort of breaks my heart. Hahhaa. Sounds abit kaypoh, i know, but I can relate to her. It's really a miracle how far kennedy and I have come. Yet it's not a miracle because it's through our giving and taking. I'll cook for him and he'll fix my computers or download movies for us to watch. All these little things help to cherish each other more. Recently I've been really stressed and hence I've been moody and very impatient lately. Thank you for being patient with me. I know if the tables are turned, I wont be as patient with people as how you are with me. I will try my best to pick myself up, slowly but surely. On-ed my computer just to blog, because I have many thoughts running through my head right now :) My head is spinning but I need to blog about my thoughts, so here I am.
So last week I went to Subway, behind the counters, to collect my testimonial. Many different faces ALREADY except 2 people. One person which I couldnt say hi to, and Aunty Irene <3 Her hair definitely grew longer, and she looks different. The arrangement behind the counters was slightly different too. Which made me think that, wow time has passed so fast, and no I'm not exaggerating. After the horrible incident that happened when I was still a sandwich artist, I have ever since not looked back, concentrated and diverted all my energy into my new friends and my studies, and have forgotten about Subway. I dont know if it's a good thing or not, but the trip back made all the memories flow in to my mind once again. I was once again reminded of how many friends I've made there, that have enriched my life. Especially two very special friends (which happens to be above 25 LOLOL). Dearest friend,I miss how you buy long john silvers after our night shift. I miss how you laugh at my jokes, encourage me to become a cashier which made me realised I loved doing cashiering ^_^ , thought me stuff at work, gave me a CD you're burned which you played while baking cookies in the morning, confided in me that you had anorexia last time and still think you're fat even though you're goddamn skinny. I wish to say that I miss you to you. I really miss you to tears.You might have forgotten me because it's been 7 months. And even if you have never forgotten me, I know things wont be the same again. But you're made such an impact in my life, I cant forget you.I know you're smart, and you're in NTU now ^_^ That's why I wish to aim for NTU accounting. It would help if I could confide in you, and tell you how my school life sucks right now and how lonely I feel at school. I dont know why, I cant trust anyone in school right now (other than maybe 2 people which i have around 65% trust in). I miss those days when Subway colleagues were so encouraging and worked as a team. I miss that unity, I miss that togetherness, I miss that busyness till you cant think about any of your problems. Most importantly, I missed the connection, the friendship.It would help if you knew I was struggling in managing my expectations at school. I need to get into a local university. I know that there are other paths after polytechnic but that's my aim. And I know it doesnt matter if at the end I dont make it to a local university... But I am afraid, my friend. :( I'm really afraid of failing and not meeting my expectations. Please tell me I'm giving myself too much pressure.Thank you for brightening up my past, Subway will be my home and always be my home. Just like you, how you'll always be my friend.Till our paths meet again,Hannah Ong  I got a headache ): Very pain.
Feel like making tuna pancakes later. <3 Kennedy at lan shop, just collected his pay. Nerdy chua, I'm a hungry girl. :( Come soon to eat together! I'm sure everyone has been through some ups and downs in their lives. Sometimes something strikes us, and we lose our sense of identity and purpose. Such as a loss of loved ones, loss of job, loss of a relationship, and identity crisis triggered by friends or self, etc.
Reading the 7 stages of grief was very refreshing for me because it reminds me that things will GET better in my life, since the grieving stage is merely a cycle. I can really relate to it. ^^ I know using the word "merely" makes it sounds so simple, yet it's really hard to get by when you're despairing and feeling lonely from a crisis. 7 stages of grief 1. SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks. 2. PAIN & GUILT- As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. 3. ANGER & BARGAINING- Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back") 4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair. 5. THE UPWARD TURN- As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. 6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her. 7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE- During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. Credits to: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html   Panda file that I bought today :) Might be getting more. Emotions have been REAL turbulent these few days.
NOT ABOUT Nerdy Close friends, feel free to ask what I'm talking about here :) I need a listening ear too: Defensive talk and all. Disagreements always. I'm really tired. I've tried. To be a friend, a sincere friend. To understand you all better, and try to appreciate you all. I've tried to accommodate. But why does things look so bleak, even though I've tried so hard? Is it because trying hard is wrong? Would not trying at all be more effective? I'm sorry that my judgement of you has been clouded by my personal experiences. But I really do hope that you try to change. I'm going to say this one last time, and the very very last. Because nothing can make you change except yourself. I've gotta understand that. I cant change you. Change to become more mature, and be RESPONSIBLE for once. On my part, I have also done wrong, IN THE PAST. What to do, I was faced with a tough situation back then. So with my ever existent-when-with-you defence mechanisms raised up high, all I can do to cope with it is to be cold and to build up walls around myself. I'm going to be as cold as ice, not moving an inch. Look on the bright side Hannah, things are going to change SOOON ^^ In school, the days are long and the workload can be quite overpowering. I see tired faces.
Recently have been really tired as well ): Despite sleeping so much. maybe I'm not suited be an owl but an early bird. HAHA. There's so many things to do. I want to put my utmost effort into everything. My hobbies like chasing hongkong/japanese dramas, participating more in aerobics, spending quality time with Nerdy, being a good cousin to yangyang and fanfan, and doing well in my studies so hopefully I can qualify for uni, getting CCA points, committing myself to adhoc CCAs like BA society, vietnam 2-week youth expedition trip, being a good friend to some of my friends in and outside of ngee ann. But as much as I would like to do all these things that may take, maybe 300% of my energy, I only have 100%. I need to prioritize and give myself a break once in a while <3 To close my eyes, and listen to my heartbeat. Schedule for the next few days: Monday - Tako making session at Nerdy's house Tuesday - Making jiao zi with mummy Wednesday - Aerobics (: Life has been pretty boring these days. Homework is boring and the remaining leisure time that I have is also boring. Need a drama fix but there aint any nice dramas I can find ): Needta work to get extra shillings $$ but gotta prioritize and juggle on the things So have beeen watching many youtube videos recently. 1) America's culture: Cookie Exchange Parties (Darn cool!) 2) My favourite Korean cook on youtube's new recipe: Tuna Pancakes <3 Aerobics tommorow ! Hopefully I dont die there again. The aftereffect of intense aerobics was awesome though.
<3 Talked about politics today with Grannie, Fatin, and Nerdy Chua (: All were fervent PAP supporters ! Omg. Heheee <3 Ate MOS burger with Nerdy chua. Milk tea, clam chowder soup,fish burger, and salad. Super full :3 <3 Today my thoughts were very positive. I like it this way. <3 my hair extensions D: Pimples many. D: Workload *drowning* D: D: D: | thelittleAUTHOR
theMILESTONES ^^
✓ Survive school for one semester ! Jiayou =D
(After one semester is a break, therefore I will just think it as one semester) ✓ Year 1 Sem 1 ✓ Year 1 Sem 2 ✓ Xiamen trip (March to April 2011) ✓ Year 2 Sem 1 ✓ Vietnam Serve Trip (Sep 2011, Confirmed) ✓ TCP university preparation camp ✓ Aerobics Camp ✓ Wrap everything up in my blogshop by 10th October. Last meetup 15 October ✓ Cooking w Maangchi ✓ Year 2 Sem 2 ✓ Reopen my blogshop :) ✓ Find a job (~3 week job) ✓ Audit Express Workshop ✓ TCP Effective Communicator ✓ TCP Effective Learner Workshop ✓ MDA job ✓ Korea Trip (30 Mar- 6 April) - Year 3 Sem 1 - Year 3 Sem 2 (Intern @ PWC) - GRADUATE from Poly !! =DD - Get into a Uni Course maiWISHLIST
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