Has been a whopping 6 days since I've blogged... Nothing much happened the past few days, except serious rotting at home. Watched fighting spiders season 1 AND season2 within 4 days. You could say that I'm nuts :)
Other than that, have been getting alot of headaches recently. And it pisses me off. I'm also having flu phlegm and cough. It's terrible.
I cant wait to be well, to feel emotionally and physically okay to have a good time during my holidays.  Perhaps, things have changed. I've learnt that , things have changed in my life. People have changed, people move on. New people come in to your life, whether you like it or not. Some people are nice, others nicer, and alas, the bad ones. But regardless, that doesnt mean that life doesnt carry on...
Most importantly, I've changed, not deliberately. But circumstances have shaped me as such. There's so much I could control of, so much I could handle. The question I thus often pose to myself is, What are the things you can control, and what are the things you cant?
.
.
.
Perhaps you cant control what people might think of you, perhaps you cant fufill ALL expectations that people have set out about you. But what you could control is what you want yourself to achieve based on your feelings and goals.I know for this point, it's easier said than done. Sometimes in our waking life the pressure of daily responsibilities can give us immense amounts of stress, especially if certain people set high expectations on you. But a life worth living is one that you live for yourself, at the end of the day.
Perhaps you cant control how people change overtime, but you can prepare your heart for such disappointments. Perhaps to try to empathize with why they change? After all I'm sure that you've also changed, somehow.
More to be updated soon, hopefully with pleasant and lovely stuff to share (:
And ohyah, PE is already over, but I support Dr Tan Cheng Bock !
Today exam is damn suay. Dont wanna talk abut it. All I can think of is to do better next time. That's it...
Have been watching The Pupil over and over again. All the actors are SOOOOO good at their roles. It's been a long time since I've been fanatic over a local production.
I love Janice Koh's acting. She graduated with a masters in Theatrical Studies. I've fallen in love with her. ~_~
She acts as a Scorpio in the show (Imma scorpio too).
Goal getter, meticulous, hardworking, confident is what she is.
I want to become like Angela when I grow up.
Honest, true to herself, and confident.
You inspire me Angela(character in The Pupil). I know it's kinda weird to love an actress/actor who is in her 30s or 40s. people my age usually will love Ou Xuan, Rui En, etcetc. BUT. I just do loveeeeeeee Janice Koh and her acting. I just do. <3
EXAMS ARE ENDING -- TOMMOROW ! Just hang in there. It's only 15 hours or so away from your last paper. After that xiang shou ren sheng le ^3^
Gonna try sleeping by 11pm today.
Zilian - me ? I think not :)
(Till you see the irony below).
Maybe just a little zilian okay? Maybe just a little.
Anyw, I have ALWAYS loved to wear hair accessories, such as flowers in my hair, but didnt in the end.
I guess I am lazy to try to find outfits to match it. I'm also cash strapped and love to save money, SO. I dont buy clothes :)
I'm more of a casual wear girl, with slogan t-shirt and at best, jean skirt. At best with a bow hairpin. But never something extravagant and loud - At leat not in the past 2 years. Perhaps one day my dress sense will change.
Gotta go hit the books now.
Chain for our ring. (:
Today I lost 15 marks from exam, Finance of International Trade.
There was too much going on in my head, emotional questions I'm asking myself during the exam, my FIT teacher, friends, what to do after exams. LOLOL. Perhaps I was just. Drop dead tired. Slept 2 am the night before. The 2nd question I did, I got a throbbing headache. Lost concentration after 1 hour. I was rlly disappointed, I wont say sad, but disappointed with the way things turned out. Usually I'm meticulous, focused during exams. But no point cursing over spilt milk - it wont bring my 15 marks back.
My friends too made mistakes, BIG ones, not in FIT paper, but others the day before. I didnt know it will be my turn to make a silly mistake. One mistake that costs 15 marks.
Anyway, good luck to myself for last paper.
But I know I did my best. I did, regardless of how it turns out. I know it's hard, to let go, but I'll try. Or at least I'll deal with stuff later. Now I've to be logical and determined. I have to.
Self affirmation: Hannah CAN get up after a fall. She CAN stay focused.
Quick update before I go to the CC to study.
Have many things to get out of my chest (not sure if this sentence is correct in terms of grammar blahblah), but not sure WHAT is bothering me and HOW to get it off my chest even though I have things bothering me.
I really hate this feeling.
A song that I can relate to:
One Republic - Secrets (w lyrics)
One republic is slowly becoming on my list of favourite bands. <3
Other songs would be Apologize (though it's SO 2008), and Good life. Not forgetting All the Right Moves ! I never liked Stop and Stare though.
I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kind of boring
Need something that i can confess
Till all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no, I've been on the brink, so
[CHORUS]
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will like those ears
Sick of all the act sincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away
My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like were chasing all those stars
Whose driver shining big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems we could solve
And when a situation rises
We'll ride it into a mountain
Straight to though
I don't really like my flow, oh, so
[CHORUS]
Got no reason
Got no shame
Got no family
I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything
[CHORUS x2]
All my secrets away (x2)
The song, I feel, is about not being yourself, to please others. To show that you're not a boring person. To tell them all your secrets. It might be a weak intepretation, but it's what I feel each time I hear the song.
Live for yourself.
"About me" section updated !
Finished watching The Pupil.
Exam period 22 Aug - 26 Aug. Time to get focused through this supa boring and tedious time. :X
Dreamt of an exam question coming out, but it's about horoscopes :X
"What does the gemini logo look like?"
I answered it looks like two females... which it is.
Gotta go do revision soon, exam is 2.30 - 4.30pm.
Just a quickie update before I go back to do my revision. Gosh, you wont believe how boring revision is. Sometimes I feel like I want to just give up studying the same old materials again and again, heck care, and sit for the exams. But I know I cant, cos I have a hardworking and responsible voice that bugs me if I'm lazy :X
2 weeks is far too draggy *PULLS HAIR OUT*. 1 week of study break should be sufficient enough. Cant wait for exams to come and go, then I can enjoy.
And btw I had to remove the previous post about the korean cooking show thingie. Because I wasnt supposed to let people know about it. Oh well...
So yesterday was memorable. I cooked Salted Egg Yolk Prawns and Tsukeme jap pork ramen with shoyu broth. No pics to show though, bluetooth cant work D: Sorry blog that I cant upload ! ))))':
It was one of my most successful attempts cooking, tastiest attempts that is. I spent quite a long time understanding the flow of the recipe, esp for the pork ramen which had lotsa steps.
The salted egg yolk prawn was lesser steps but it was real oily and OIL become splurting out of the pot so I use the wok cover (like 30cm wide) to cover my face and arms but it still splurted onto my body.
Nevertheless, thank you cookingwithdog for the jap recipe AND holly jean for the salted egg yolk prawns recipe ;)
----------
A memorable time.
A piano piece. Exchange of lovely words. Dancing in the kitchen. The song and dancing brought us to tears.
It's nice to know that there is someone who will be with you through thick and thin, stubbornly wanting to still be by your side even though you at times do not have confidence and faith in yourself.
Love chu :)
 >_< !!
 Taken yesterday. The honest but predictable truth. The most vulnerable side of us yesterday. The most vulnerable side of me.
REVISION REVISION R-E-V-I-S-I-O-N 2-week period D:
Personally for me it's the most driest part of the semester. It's what you've learnt , just that you need to repeat the materials over and over again. Your goal is to make sure you understand it as much as possible. Which is quite boring in a way, since you've studied the material already, and it's all about repitition at this stage. Oh wellll.
Even if I'm bored or emo sometimes during exam period, I can always look forward to nicer things in life after big and bad exams. Hannah has got many dreams to fufill! Many little nice things to do after exam. (:
My super duper orderly list to be fufilled after EOYs :DDDD
1) Visit
Superdog at 313 Somerset ;
Circular road seafood delicacies ;
Sakura intl buffet !!! ;
Ya Kun Kaya Toast ;
Mushroom cafe in the park;
Quiznos Sub.
2) Cook
Cookingwithdog's Tsukeme (Ramen with broth) ;
Maangchi's veg pancake ;
Nickokitchen's fried oreos ;
Hollyjean's salted egg yolk prawns ;
And something with portobello mushrooms.
(NTUC is selling $1 per LARGE mushroom, in a packet of 4 O.O)
3) Buy
Popin cookin sets (Gummyland, sushi, bento) x 1 ;
Nerunerune (melon) x 1 ;
Caramel corn (Strawberry) ;
Gmarket's black bows hairband x 1 ;
Gmarket's mini bows x 3 ;
4) Things to attend
Aerobics camp (7-9 September) ;
Vietnam YEP [Youth Expedition Programme] (11-24 September).
5) Things to do with myself / darling /
friends(I dont forget my friends one okay:D )
Go learn at least 2 Kpop dances via youtube tutorials ;
Go with Ernie to Recognize studios (I got 2 free coupons) ;
Go DIY Icing cake at Bishan with darling ;
Go overseas with him or together with a group of people (Dunno when) ;
Go zoo with darling ;
Meet Eeting, Zihan, Huichin, Jue tong ;
Meet Vina ;
Meet Fatin & Gloria outside school ;
Meet 6C and gang.
I aint gonna work (unless there's SUPER duper high paying job and a job experience I dun wanna miss, but 90% I wont work) during the Sep-Oct holidays because I want to spend more time with Nerdy and fufill my goals listed above. I also want to sharpen my cooking skills (Sharpening my kitchen knife now), and find back myself(lolol).
Also, I havent had a good and long holiday ever since last October when I went back to school. Since march holidays was occupied by my trip to Xiamen. Thus I want to give myself a good good break.
That's all for today :D
Time to hit the books (or notes) soon.
No mood for exams. I wanna chill.
"Reach for the stars so even if you fall at least you land on a cloud"
Things have been real tough recently and emotionally taxing. My blog has been my refuge for the past 1 year plus. Each time I have happy or sad things, I will choose to blog here to ease negative emotions, uplifting my spirit. Sometimes I blog for others, but most of the time I blog for myself. Today, at this post, I'll blog for myself. :)
Things have been real tough internally. It's real turbulent. I might not clear, it's 50/50. It might not be a bad thing though, once you've tried to gone through tough times, things will soon get easier. But for now, it's tough.
So here I am now in my blog, at this hour(12:24am it's REALLY late :(, I'm an early bird) trying to try to get some of my emotions and thoughts in order.
Recently(actually today LOL), I've watched 18 Grams of Love in my school's library.
I'm not going into the details of the story cos this is not my aim to promote their movie, but it's rather one of the scenes which I could fully relate to.
Here's a narration(from what I can rmber >_<) of one of the scenes:
***AND AND I DID NOT MADE THIS UP HAHAHA.***
Their marriage has gone to a plateau. She has a highly stressed job, and people see her as nu3 qiang2 ren2. However, sometimes she crumbles under the pressure and breaks down and cries.. Of course, she does not let anyone see the vulnerable side of her.
Her P.O.V(point of view): She met Adam. There was something about him that she couldnt explain. She felt comfortable. She felt at ease. She did not need to put up a front. She cried and hugged him without even knowing him. Then they began dating. Everytime she was stressed, she will hug him and cry. She felt protected.
Adam's P.O.V: He saw her for the first time at the library. He didnt know why, but she saw him and ran to his arms and cried. He felt like he was a hero. He felt great - He could protect someone.
----
It definitely stirred up a lot of emotions, for me when I saw this scene. I felt pathetic. I could very well relate to that strong front. The scene hit right on the spot. What moved me was how she found refuge. And I felt so happy when I saw her running into Adam's arms. I need that refuge too, from an ever harsh reality. I need that safety, that security, that everything will be O.K., if you just relax. I need that.
Perhaps sometimes, it's not about being a superhuman or being perfect.
Perhaps sometimes, it's okay to make some silly mistakes that might cost alot, to feel disappointed or discouraged.
Perhaps sometimes, it's okay to hurt inside. Because once you've acknowledged that you're hurting, only then you can try to heal.
Perhaps sometimes, it's okay to confide in someone whom you trust, and make the topic for the day about you and how to overcome your problems.
Perhaps sometimes, it's okay to feel wanted. It's okay to feel the need to be accepted, be cherished, be loved, be appreciated.
I'm done with being a negative perfectionist. Things cant be perfect all the time, so cant others. I know I have an idealistic personality. I would wish to see things in harmony, people/friends/family loving each other ever so perfectly, wanting to reap all the hard work I've pumped inside for my studies and friendship.
However, sometimes, things just doesnt go as planned. It just doesnt. Somehow, I'll just have to accept that this is reality.
I'm moving on. To a better me.
|
RSS Feed