Disclaimer 1: This is going to be an emo post ): I just need to ventilate la okay.
Disclaimer 2: Bf or friends, this is not about any of you.

I get burn outs easily.
Little things crashing my stability.

I wanted to find a reason for all this shit, all this silly mistakes I made. I started to blame everyone around me. I started to compare. Then finally, I started to blame myself.. And then I felt only worse. I just couldnt think rational at that point of time today, even now.. :/

I want to appear perfect in front of everyone, yet deep in my heart I know I'm imperfect. But the thing is that everyone is, right? That's why I keep telling myself that it's OKAY to be imperfect. People will still love you, even for your flaws. Cos Hannah comes in a package, good and bad included.

Perfection scares me, or rather, the pursuit of perfection and finally the pursuit of approval. My life always revolves around this problem. Inside my brain is like a war, :'(

I cant think logical right now. Maybe it's just a bad day. Maybe I should just go to sleep soon.

I have to stay strong.
it's no longer just about me anymore.

I will be okay, just like how I persevered through O levels despite almost giving away to burnout and worry. Just like how I persevered through Chinese dance for 4 years. Just like how I failed my first blogshop attempt and managed to rise up again. Just like how I persevered at Goodybooks. Just like now.

I will be okay. I'm just going to find a notebook to write in, and list down all the things I could do to improve.

I will be okay. Cos everyone has strength and so do I.

Just open your eyes and heart and you'll find love and strength that will keep you going...

Okay, feel much better now :( :3

Two is better than One - Boys Like Girls ft Taylor Swift
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

♥♥♥♥♥

I love love love this song alot! <3
Makes me think of you.

Work was chicken nene. Hahaha. :X
I made a lot of mistakes as usual.
And it's not that I'm stupid. It's just that all the information gets absorbed into my head and stays there, but at the time when I need the information IT DOESNT COME OUT ON TIME or WHEN I NEED IT.
So sometimes I stone and think about other things, and thus make mistakes T_T

Then then, my superiors keep on scolding me. Then I get demoralized. Hais Hais. :(

And and, Sara my domineering colleague keep on controlling me and telling me what to do EVERY 5 MINUTES. She says trivial stuff like, "Please wash the cloth clean", or repeats her instructions over and over again. Dude, I'm NOT deaf or stupid man. Insulting my intelligence. x_X
Or maybe it's understandable cos I'm so blur.
BUT BUT, I dont like people controlling me. I get pissed off, and when I feel a tinge of domination over my work or life, I will automatically do the exact opposite.

I was hence super emotionally affected ytd by Sara + Cant see dear + Make stupid mistakes + Why the clock go so slow = that I started to make even more mistakes.  I really wanna tell her how I felt, but I couldnt muster up the courage. I felt slightly useless but I guess things take time.

During closing that time, she was also very nice and smiled at me.
She cracked super sacarstic jokes, e.g: "Why the floor so wet ah?Swimming pool ah" or "You top up the sauce so messy. LOOKS LIKE VOMIT"
She cracked the jokes like talking liddat, matter of fact tone which makes it EVEN more funny. Lol. I swear I laughed continuously for 15 mins x_X :D

Conclusion: Love-hate r/s between me and Sara.

Then then, after work was me and darling ! <3
 we hanged out at the playground and lay down side by side. The stars were sleeping, so we couldnt see them.

As I told darling, I'm still in shock cos I never thought I would be able to find a proper boyfriend in my life, due to my lack of chiobuness.  I seriously never never thought okayyyyyyyy. I even contemplated to go and serve God to be a nun.
Low self esteem much :(
But but, things changed and I've not just found a boyfriend but a NICE one ^,^
& it made me believe in other people that they can do the same too! <3
I want to cry liao. T_T Thank you God thank you.

And he was so cute. He was telling me some chinese story or something. Then halfway through HE FORGOT the story!!! Then he couldnt remember seriously and he went, "Ummm... oh shit" and he gave a blank look.
LOL SO CUTEEEEE! d:

I'm going to miss you so much :(
Night shift for darling, and me working everyday except for Sunday shift :(

DOMOKENNEDYKUN <3
Mwah. ^3^

And if I could, I will never ever let you go....
I hope we will last.
We will, right?

Struggling with anxiety, worry and self esteem.
Bad feelings tormenting me as well ):

But I know all I have to do is to be strong, and let the emotions pass.

If I could sustain myself throughout secondary school, why not this year? Why not all the years ahead?

Worked from 2.45pm to 11pm... Man time passes so slow there.
I love Eeswari, she's an awesome girl.Very obvious that she is a cancer (Y)
Shalon is crazy and a very very angry person inside, but there is some good in him.
Sara is kind but ummmm... very controlling, which I dont really like. I feel like telling her how I exactly feel but I dont dare. .______.
Natalie and I always smile at each other, but I havent had a chance to talk to her yet. Oh, and she is an graduate accounting student at NYP, waiting for uni.
Allen the manager is always smileysmiley but it's obvious you cant nonsense with him.
The assistant manager has awesome people skills.
Andoy is a malay who has great service.

Anxiety and Esteem issues :(

Subway subway subway. I currently work as the sauce or veggie sandwich artist. hahahahaha, i know what you are thinking, sounds cheesy right. :X I'm getting better at my job, I hope I wont be complacent though.

May time fly, and at other times, stop.

Dear told me about his family story today. I was quite sad actually. I feel that in many ways we are similar.

Drank pineapple tea and slept a nice sleep.

Oh yeah, dear said that he wanted to dress up as a domokun mascot for me. hahahaha. And I said that domokun is a bad kisser, cos he always has his mouth ajar, and that I will dump him cos of bad kisses.

P/S: I was just kidding.

Hello Kitty SUCKS! Domodomokun for the win (Y)

HAHAH. Anyways, nowadays I'm in such a blogging and hairpee mood that I blog like 3 times per day? I'm not feeling apologetic though,except for the fact that you need to read my nonsense and crap. But I guess you love my crap rights, cos now you're reading this and you're my stalker!!! HAHA. Kidding :DDD

Yesterday woke up at 11am. Wanted to sleep back but got no time since I was going to meet out with Charis and Esther.

We wanted to trim eyebrows but in the end didn't cos lazy.
Charis was unwell, but Esther had this cooling water, and when she drank it she was like popeye the sailorman with spinach :B Hahahahaha.
I was addicted too so I bought cooling water from Watsons. AWESOME.

Charis bought sticky sweets.

Traditional handmade YUMMY :3

Before STICKY we went over to Clarke Quay's river ^O^
Saw alot of caucasians there x_X
Dont worry dear, none of them were handsome. Lol :X

The caucasians & some Singaporeans on the boat...

Then CAMWHORED.

Esther esther  <3

Camwhored more with Charis' sunglasses....

Whao, I look rebellious 8D
I put the picture smaller cos it's unglam photo x_X

Then after that we ATTEMPTED to go to Parklane to see HappyPill. <3
We couldnt find the place and then we went to ParkMall instead.

Parkmall is like those hotel-ish place so when I asked the security guard if there was a lan shop here he said "HUH!?" Hahahahahhahaa.

So finally we found parklane in the end but there were a few lan shops so I couldnt figure which was which.

Found Kennedy in the end, and I waited for his shift to end.
We sat on the MRT back to Khatib and when we reached he ate dinner ^o^

There were super alot of uncles watching football lah. And when it was goal they shouted. I asked Kennedy whether he likes football and he said NO. I was like, Whoooohoooooo :B

THEN THEN...We walked over to Bottle tree park and he felt that it was a little too dark and I was half hearted as I know that there were grass snakes at the entrance.

In the end, we decided to go there anyways, but then halfway through the entrance we heard a loud screeching animal noise. And then both of us jumped and we looked cute :B We walked fast out of the entrance and decided to chill out at my block downstairs instead, as usual.

Spider webs and x <3
You're my awesome boy. I luv you.

ONLINE SHOPPING NOW ^_^

1. Colourful Telecoil Bands
Retailing Outside: $1.00 / Piece
Selling Online with Delivery at: $2.00/ 6 Pieces
Status of Item: Payment made to seller. Awaiting delivery to me :)

2. 24K Anti-Radiation Sticker (Never Give Up)
Retailing Outside: Nil
Selling Online with Delivery at: $1.90
Status of Item: Awaiting payment from me to seller

3. Special Flower Hair Clip
Retailing Outside: Nil
Selling Online with Delivery at: $3.67
Status of Item: Payment made to seller. Awaiting delivery to me :)

4. 3 Tier Sanitary Pad Holder (Paul Frank Design, U)
Retailing Outside: Nil
Selling Online with Delivery at: $2.65
Status of Item: Awaiting payment from me to seller

LALALALAALALALA. Will update more later (:

HappyPill told me that some of his friends like did more than kissing on just their first date.
My first impression is that these girls were SO SO cheap and easy. ):
It's not very surprising though.

But just a thought. I actually pity them, and I feel very sad for this generation and for those girls and for myself.Lol. Idk why also.

Also, I read from the internet that guys are the ones that suggest physical contact, but girls are the ones who suggest how fast it can go and whether the guys can proceed or not.....

As for me, I want it to be slow and steady ♥♥
Cos slow and steady wins the race.
Can? :D

Today went out first time with HappyPill, after ard 1 month of chatting online/phone.
But before that 1 customer cancelled her orders, Fk. It's not the first time customers back out.
So hard to earn lah. I'm getting real pissed off. As in REALLY. I could kill someone or something. But NVMMMMMM that's not the point of today. >:(

Went to Plaza Singapura early, since Rebekah my customer couldnt meetup today. So I went to see HappyPill. He treated his friend to a meal for her birthday, so nice of him.
Thennnnn after that we sent his friend at the MRT, and we walked around. Hahahahah the silly bugger held my hand just right after his friend left. :P Silly. Lol kidding.

Ate Tako, played jubeat, walked around, chatted and then went to watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It was cold in the cinema so he held my hand throughout the way. I like you sooooooo muchie you're so sweeeet :)

Then we went over to Khatib and ate at Buddy Hoagies. I tried to hunt for any friends but the hunting was useless. In a way it's a good thing I guess. I wanted to bring him to bottle tree park as I told myself for my first official boyfriend we could go and see the romantic lights in the park. But it was drizzling so I didnt want both of us to catch a cold.

We ended up walking to my flat 808. He wanted to see me up, but I said I wanted to send him to the MRT, but then he had to send me back to 808. LOL. Then he said, "You just want to spend more time with me right". Hahahahhaha. We hugged and then we said that we were sad to part, even though I'm going to meet him for dinner tommorow. Hahahahaha. And I said I wanted cobwebs to grow on us as I didnt want him to leave. Ahh, I like you Kennedy <3

He also said his back was pain as he got some back problems and sometimes he cringes in pain and I feel that he dont tell me that he is in pain, and I cant do anything to help ))))))))): SIGHHHH.

And nao, he is playing DOTA, and I'm alone right nao and cant feel him much but it's okay, I'm strong and independant remember? :)

I'm really happy to have him. Cos of my history of one-sided love  rejection and the unrealistic expectations of becoming SNSD figure, i finally get to meet someone whom I like and who likes me as much. </3

And and, at first when I first chatted with him i didnt really used to like him cos in his picture he looked super skinny. Hahahahahahah. I dont usually go for looks, but rather wits and personality, but it's just that I cant see myself having a super skinny guy as a BF. But when he told me he was fat I was actually considering x_X I know it sounds crazy but it's true. If I had known earlier, I wouldnt have gone out with the bastard of the slipper liveguard. Oh well.

May happy memories last forever. :D

Goodbye humans and pets and dumplings.

Yesterday was a retarded day.
And I was being a retard.
I just felt like saying everything was retarded yesterday. I am weird.

Retarded day at work. Just retarded.
I cut 4 containers of onions, 9 containers of tomatoes, 6 cucumbers, and 9 lettuce.
So sian. >:( Smelt like onions. ONION PRINCESS.
Plusplus, I made fking mistakes. I'm super pissed off with myself LAH. Like so blur and silly like that. NVMMMMMMMM.

So I drank 3 cups of soft drinks - 2 diet coke 1 barley. Subway drinks are free for employees anyway. :D

Met Charis, treated her to cookies, and then we went to Bugis Street.
Bugis Street SUPA nice. Whoo. Shopping nvr fails to thrill me, oh the constant adrenaline rush :D

Bought earrings at Bugis. I bought 3 pairs of clip on earrings, $11 in total. Charis bought 1 pair and while we were walking back to MRT I felt a hard thing on my shoe. Charis was curious so she bent down and she saw HER earring! Lol. How coincidental was that.

Headed back to our house and we camwhored and Charis started to put on make up on me and herself, and commenting about how good her make up skills are.

Pictures:

I like this look(below pic) the best! Cos I love intense and curious looks :D

Camwhored more, and more, and more.....

hahahahaa. Charis did the squinty eye thingie and then told me to take the photo ASAP, and I hurried and hence my look was C.M.I.