I LOVE YOU HUICHIN =DDDDDD
HUICHIN!
I'm so blessed to have you, and Eeting !
I love love love you :((((
If you need a listening ear must approach me tooo~!
Anyway, I went crazy at work today :D
Continuously laughed and laughed. I'm really happy. OH MY =DD
Other than a really stupid customer who told me to "SPEAK SLOWERRRRRRR" and told Anthony "DONT SWEEP AT MY SPOT". Lol act so king. Do you even have good upbringing?! Super pissed. :(
Better not write anymore cos it's spoiling my good mood now.
A question to my few readers: Does writing EMO or DEEP stuff about life make you feel more older + cleverer? Cos I feel that way. That's why my blog is with all the philosophical thoughts. heh!
NERDY LUM LUM!
 RAINBOW CAKE <3 This is going to be a rather random and emo post.
Have you ever laid in bed, and many thoughts come to your mind?
And then when you're finally conscious of what you're thinking, you lose your train of thought and cant seem to think anymore?
.
.
.
All of a sudden I feel really empty :(
And I hope that these bad feelings wont last.
.
.
.
Why do similar people with depression quit school?
I may know about myself, but I just want to understand the whole situation. Why? WHY???
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.
.
Doctor says that once you leave school for so long(9months), you'll find it very hard to get back. Mum, I'm just very scared. I'm really am. That's why I'm acting like I dont care about this situation, but in fact I'm horrified. How do I see my year 2 friends which were once my classmates? How do I act normally around them? Even if leaving school was a big mistake, how do I forgive myself totally?
How do you settle for imperfection?
I just need more strength, to go through this.
I want my questions answered, and hopefully I will find that it will just like always :)
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.
.
I wanna fill my heart with lots of love.
You may have a lot of love around you, but only you have the key to fill your heart up with love.
Maybe I should try closing my eyes and think about happy things. Then all the love will flood in.
Or alternatively, I should lower my expectations, cos then I will get very happy with the slightest things and not get disappointed cos my expectations are not met. Maybe.
.
.
.
Some day I'm going to spread my wings and fly.
I'll give out so much love cos I cant contain it inside anymore. Someday.
Burnout
How do you persevere? How do you live with others? How do you not get sad? How do you manage fear of losing control? How do you deal with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy?
Do I still have the power to overcome?
Hostage to my own humanity :(
Sleeping soon. Maybe the answers to my questions is simply sleep :)
Finance
I know many people whom I know struggle with finance.
For me, I personally dont struggle with the dollar sign.
Alright, I know that I may not be the most thrifty person, but here's my thoughts on finance/moolahs/monaye.
I think finance is a beautiful thing.
$$$$. :)
When I get my pay, I'm really happy.
I write in my cash book daily what I spend on and I found what are those burn-hole-in-a-pocket items, that is good food in my case. I spend a considerable amount on shopping, maybe $50-100 in total. And guess what? I still have money to save!
And the thing is, when I save, I am very happy and therefore I will not feel guilty when I shop :)
Shopping + Save = Heaven ^^
For those who are working part time and studying full time, please dont be discouraged. Whatever your situation is now or no matter how little money you have, think FAR. Soon, if you studying hard enough, you'll have enough moolahs to spend + save, and you'll be a happier person! ^^
P/S: I just found out that "Vanilla Twilight - Owl City" is about a guy missing his DEAD girlfriend. That's why so emo, and keep on saying "I'll think of you tonight" etc etc. OMG right HAHA.
♥Kennedy♥ Hannah ♥
If you read carefully, it's not a heart divider(above) but our names! :D
In this world, nothing is for certain, nothing is for sure.
Belongings, money, and business.
Even family and friends.
Which one of them is permanent?
Has this ever occurred that there is a chance you might lose them?
Safe- Isnt it such a beautiful word? Dont you get a tingly and warm feeling when you say it?
Safe. Say it again. Safe.
So then, how do you keep safe and feel safe? Dont ask me. I'm still learning to.
At present, I am safe in his arms.
And I wished it can be forever.
Met Eeting at NYP and we went to eat Macdonalds together~~
The macdonalds so effing cheap manz, Mc spicy only $2.90 x_x
Met Nerdy and homed <3
Then went to see supplier for my wire wraps and my teeth were BLUE due to blue coral bubble tea and I started to get hyper.
I know my face looks round but whatever.
Crazy photos:
Soon night came and it was 9pm. x_X
Went back home, but halfway through I had a super duper achy stomache and alighted at Ngee Ann poly. It was damn terrible.
Waited for 852 for 20 minutes~
 NERDYYYYYYYYYYYY !  o____O xDDD ♥ you more and more :)
It's been long since I've updated :)
It feels long at least.
So we shall have a little Q&A, shall we?
How's life been for you?
Life has been boring and routine-ish, as well as fufilling.
I really love my life right now, despite it being boring sometimes. Because I am surrounded with people I love, I have more positive feelings that usual, hence depression starts to fade away.
No doubt life is not perfect, but at least everyday when I wake up there is always something to look forward to :)
Why do you quit school and hate school?
Many people would ask...
Well, it's a tough question to answer.
To put it simply, I am afraid of judgement - from both people and results. Also, I have a family history of anxiety and depression problems.
I get panic attacks when I study. And I have OCD which makes me a perfectionist and I cannot do without my work being perfect if not I will feel that the world is falling down. Reality is always making fun of me. :(
No doubt I have all these kinda things, I'm definitely NOT gonna blame anyone.
How long will I take to complete my studies I seriously dunno, but what I can reassure myself is that, ONE DAY, I'm gonna complete my uni by hook or by crook :D
How's your relationship with Kennedy?
I know many people are skeptical of my relationship with Nerdy secretly, E.G: SOME PEOPLE(who know who they are and I know who also), cos we know each other through online.
Boyfriend has been awesome to me (:
I'm trying to balance his time and my time so that both of us got time to breathe.
No matter how much I miss him and want to see him everyday, I must try to be an understanding person and not be too controlling of his time.
How's your relationship with your mum?
Me and my mum has been tough. :(
No doubt both of us love each other, I need alot of space and staying at the same room is totally NOT helping. Also, we're having communication problems at the moment, which I dont know why. Just cant communicate. So yup.
How's your relationship with God?
Not very good. :(
Not going to church at the moment.
But nevertheless, I think deep down inside I do believe that God exists.
What are your dreams?
Very interesting question I must say. The problem is I cant answer, as me being a dreamer(INFP), I have many dreams! Haha.
Well, at least I will tell you some of my dreams that I have :)
Come on, let's go!
BIG BIG DREAM.
I want to own a big business, selling things I am passionate about and makes the world a better place. e.g: food industry etc. I want to wear a professional jacket to work, driving a red car. I want to manage others and be a nice boss. A boss which not everyone may like, but a boss which has integrity and treats people with respect. I want to have a nice cosy house which has lots of healthy and nice food in the fridge. My kitchen will be very big. I will have a nice husband who loves me forever and 2 kids(1 boy and 1 girl). I will have 2 guinea pigs and 1 dog. I will also have a maid who will do housework and clean and cook. I will bake and cook on weekends. I will do voluntary work from time to time and bless the community with a portion of my income.
REALISTIC DREAM.
If I am unable to own a big business or a big house, I'm still not sad :)
Simple life is always appealing too.
$3000 and up per month so that I wont have financial problems in future :)
Simple job with nice and warm colleagues. Work must be fufilling and must help others in one way or another.
Same goes, 1 husband(DUHH) 2 kids, family outings, etc etc.
Know that you will highlight this.
I love you! :)
A very untidy and random post.
PLEASE DONT MIND ME :D
 what i delivered while i was sitting in the cab (:
Cooked dinner for Nerdy today. My SECRET recipe dry sauce maggie mee, meatballs, baked beans, eggs, and watermelon (: He ate them all. Yes! The way to a man's heart is by his stomach :D I feel so much like a wife, and I'm really happy. Haha.
Didnt manage to take a photo cos as soon as I finished cooking he was already at the door ):
Nerdy helped me to do my ivis mp3 player. I'm so happy it's working. REALLY HAPPY. Thank you Nerdy. (:
I bit my tongue and it bled quite a lot. My blood was orange o___O It was really painful but cool after that cos who has orange blood? Maybe I'm kind or something hence my blood was orange :D
I dropped my phone 2 times today, and it still worked.
I love old women alot. That's why I'm going to buy Agatha a clip on fan (:
I took cab 2 times today, to run errands for the company. I'm a delivery man for the catering today. Do I look like a delivery man(or woman)? :)
I wrote a return letter to Jenny.
I was thinking, and suddenly I realised that I still owe people alot of money. Not alot, but ohwell. Esther $42.40, Charis $5.90, Zihan $10, Eeting $10, Mercy $50... Who else? :/
I've never felt so candid/transparent/relaxed/open with someone since so long. Usually I'll not be so close to a person, there will be a gap in between even though friends call me a "best friend". But today I felt a closeness finally with someone, a closeness I havent felt so long ago. It felt so comforting. Comforting in the sense that I dont really have to be someone else or to please you. I really love this side of me.
I hope you feel loved by me as much as how I feel loved by you (: Xin fu de gan jue.
You know, sometimes I wish I didnt really have a strong need to control situations or being a control freak. From now on, to be happier, I will definitely try going with the flow a little, and if things dont go my way, I'll see the big picture and not get discouraged (:
Revamped my music playlist. ALL EMO SONGS. WHOOOOT.
Come my blog be emo and reflective. Heh.
Vanilla Twilight
By Owl City
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
Heylow (:
Life has been eventful for the past few days, both at work and with Kennedy.
Decided to big-en the font so that you all wont get more myopic!
 domodomo  What I do with my hair when I'm bored :) Past few days
I was very happy at work for the past few days as I grow closer to my colleagues.
From colleagues to friends. Super happy! ^_^
I am also better at my work and I sometimes teach my other new colleagues to do stuff. Heh.
Had the opportunity to go to Raffles Junior College to help Natalie and Agatha sell Subway cookies and sandwiches. It was so fun.  RJC subway booth (:  Hello Twin Bread! Today Went to Jurong Point early in the morning to meet blogshop supplier. :)
Bought present for Kennedy younger sis plus esther. Hope both of them likes the present ^_^
After that went to coffee bean for 1 hour to drink my favourite green vanilla tea ice blended with whipped cream :D
Killed time by counting my pathetic coins and wrote on the tissue paper to keep record since I got no paper. Yah, dont laugh at me.
After that I went to activate my ATM card. Like finally. Draw $100, $50 for mum $50 for grandma cos my pay just came in ytd. (:
 my cash book! gonna use it for daily expenses (:  WHOOOPEEE. Full of excitement.  FINISHED. Found Pindong (my 6C friend) afterwards where he was studying and ate lunch with him.
I also wrote letters to Jenny and Kennedy while Pindong studied. (:
After this going to Kennedy housie to celebrate his sister bdae.
Today is a very fufilling day. Love today.
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